Him & Her: Balancing finances

I’m no relationship coach and I do not claim to be one either. However, I watch and read alot on this topic after having had my share of mishaps. Now that I live on the other side of the desert, as I explore my promised land  - I am happy to share the fruits of what I experience. 

Not to long ago, I went on a holiday to a beautiful island in the Mediterranean with a new companion. It was the best trip of my life, apart from the ones I’ve been with my brother ofcourse - He is a dear one. ;)  Sun, sea, sand, boat trips, sipping cocktails, snorkeling, swimming in the salty waters and so much more. One day we played racket and ball on the sea. Jumping and splashing in the water so as not to miss a shot. Strangers taking in the sun lying on their sunbeds caught the ball a couple of times and threw it back to us smilingly. They enjoyed the view, we enjoyed the thrill.  

He taught me to snorkel and swim in the sea and helped me between the rocky portions. At meals we talked about our lives, experiences, emotions and backgrounds. I cut up and cleaned our freshly grilled fish to the bone. Thanks to skills learnt from my mother and grandmother. Oh yes, we laughed a ton. In the evenings we strolled across the beachfront, found a nice place with good music or a good spot and had some cocktails as the street got buzzing with hundreds more vacationers like us. The mood was light, sweet music soared and changed as we walked along.

Living in a world with currency for almost all things money can buy, the tourism industry thrives on our spendings. Who paid for our vacation you ask? We did. How exactly you mean? It was mostly 50/50. Some days he got us cocktails, other times I did. So with the sunbeds and everything which we enjoyed. The gorgeous unforgettable boat trip was a present to me since it was my birthday.

It was a combination of his straightforwardness (which I truly admire) and my sincerity. When he shared the details of our travel when we were planning it, I told him upfront  - I will pay my half. It seems to me that this part is one of the most crucial for both companions. And especially for wealthy respectful men who do not wish to be sugar daddys but sadly turn out to be. When one partner is wealthy, the other sometimes assumes that they needn’t pay for anything and just have everything be paid for by the partner who is wealthy. This is where emotional education and healthy behaviors divide pleasant sanity from toxicity. 

The wealthy partner can say explicitly and verbally that he’d/she’d prefer to share the costs equally and is very much looking forward to this holiday with their companion. Simultaneously  - the other partner can demonstrate integrity by saying upfront that they’d like to share the costs. 

This way through communication - no one ends up feeling taken for granted or treated disrespectfully. 

Another successful strategy a dear friend of mine and his companion use is - having a separate bank account where they both equally (or as mutually agreed) pool funds for going out, vacationing, enoying things together. That way - who will pay the bill doesn’t even occur. The pair make decisions on how much to spend based on the total pool and how they choose to spend. So far, it’s working like magic for them. 

As much as it applies to wealthy persons to be more in control of the situation of how they can influence responses from their companion - it also applies to cultures where women are taught that the man must pay for it all. This is a disadvantageous conditioning that we have perhaps learned from childhood and generations before us. Things that were influenced by the way humans lived a century ago. A time when women were expected to stay at home and not work and couldn't be educated. A time when opportunities for women were very limited. Look around. We don’t live in those times. We live in a world where men and women have the equal opportunity to be educated and go after their careers and earn for themselves respectfully. Some cultures more than others. I do not refer to minority societies like in Afghanistan where the situation is still dire. I address a random person who might read this post on my blog or through a link on my instagram or Facebook page. 

Taking responsibility for ourselves is an integral part of how we pave the path in loving companionship. The one we long for and dream about. Communication about finances helps us immensely in it. Beyond that - explicit verbal communication in all matters facilitates good understanding and continuation. After all - reading the book by John Grey, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus proves to be practically valuable as cliché as it can be assumed to be. A treasure which my companion listens to as an audiobook after sharing with him how important and of utmost priority is emotional education and emotional awareness to me. I suppose it's only after the most challenging experiences we have had that we turn to such resources to help us cross over to the promised land.

Perhaps you have some unique strategies of managing finances that work for you. Do share them with me and let’s spread the word.